took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he thought i was a dude.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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