Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
