Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
