first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
