All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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