You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
