Your dad touched me again.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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