I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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