he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
