Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
