We named our party play list daddy issues
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
