Sry I called you an 8
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
