Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
