If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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