so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
