Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
