A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
