You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
