Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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