i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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