my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
