My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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