Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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