Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
where are my eyebrows?
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