i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
