You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
