your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
