I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
