I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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