i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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