yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
