I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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