We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
