just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
