I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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