If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
