Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
