who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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