Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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