my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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