Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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