Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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