Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
