We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
