did you get engaged???
youre lurking in front of me
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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