And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
