I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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