Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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