I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
