Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
