so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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