need another drink. this is the easiest way
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
