I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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