Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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