I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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