I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
