So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
