I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
