by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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