OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
