Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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